


A Most Unexpected Marriage

by Fee_Verte



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Male Wife Trope, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Show Age for Joffrey, Show Ages for the Stark Children, Sporadic Updates, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25285738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fee_Verte/pseuds/Fee_Verte
Summary: Robert Baratheon searches for a way to peacefully dispose of his heir. He finds the solution in ancient laws and the North.
Relationships: Joffrey Baratheon/Jon Snow, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 77





	1. The Second Letter/ Winterfell, 298 AC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ned gets a second letter with a strange proposal.
> 
> Loosely inspired by "male wives" in those chinese online novels... Also a warning, this is self-indulgent.

After Eddard Stark had read the first letter beneath the Weirwood tree, the one who announced Jon Arryn’s death and Robert Baratheon’s intent to come North he opened up the second letter, who had been sealed by Robert himself in a manner they developed in the Eyrie to ensure they would know if one of their letters had been opened and resealed. The seal was intact. He began to read.

> _Dear Ned_
> 
> _I write not as your King, but as your friend and as a father fearing for the future of my child. Some time ago now I made a most unwelcome discovery, my eldest son, my Joffrey, behaving in a manner I won’t describe here, but in that moment, he reminded me of Aerys. There had always been problems with him, and I suspect many heard rumours about it, but this time I knew that I couldn’t allow Joffrey to become King after me._
> 
> _To ensure it was not just my imagination and to have someone on my side who could control my wife I invited Tywin Lannister to court. You should have seen his expression when he too had the chance to watch Joffrey discreetly and came to the same conclusion as I did: Joffrey can’t become King. Luckily my second son Tommen is a sweet child and has the making of a good King. The succession is secure, at least once Joffrey is removed from it._
> 
> _But how to remove Joffrey? He is my son, and I love him, therefore the easiest ways to dispose of him are closed to me._

Here Ned had to pause, that Robert had thought of killing or castrating Joffrey to remove him from the succession, what sort of monster was Joffrey? If he reminded Robert of Aerys… Just mad, or murderous, or a rapist?

> _To find an answer I read all the laws pertaining rulership and I found it. I will try to explain: A legitimate marriage of one from the royal family is an union of two people (and as Valyrian doesn’t have a gender they truly wrote people not man and woman), married correctly in front of the Valyrian Gods, the New Gods, or the Old Gods. Furthermore, if anyone of the royal family marries into another family they get removed from the royal succession, even after their spouse dies or the marriage is dissolved in any way._
> 
> _Maybe now you can guess why I write to you, while the realm will think I come North to get you to become my next Hand (which I would still like), my truer purpose is to give Joffrey as a wife to your son Jon. Tywin and I discussed the matter, who Joffrey should marry, at length. Tywin will only accept a man from a Great Family. We agree that it can’t be a Martell, Tyrell or an heir to one of the Great Houses. Hoster Tully is too old, and your younger trueborn sons too young, we can’t afford to wait for the marriage. That leaves your son Jon, who will soon be a Stark, if you accept._

Ned was in shock, what?

> _Do not fear for the safety of your son, to my knowledge – and I asked many people about Joffrey’s behaviour – he has never harmed a human._

Well, that was a relief, but what the fuck was Robert thinking?

> _Jon will be made Lord of Moat Cailin or a similarly important castle, and my planned dowry of half a million gold dragons will be doubled by Tywin Lannister._

Ned had to supress his urge to laugh, or cry, he didn’t quite know. Robert was offering his son for a million gold dragons, had **he** gone mad? A million gold dragons given to Ned’s most frugal child. Moat Cailin could probably be restored to a liveable state with ten thousand gold dragons, with five times to seven times that it would be as it was during the castle’s most glorious days. With a million gold dragons? Jon would become Ned’s wealthiest bannerman, not even the Manderlys had that much money. The Starks as the former Kings of the North and current Wardens of the North had more than that, so at least Jon somewhat knew how to manage such sums. But fuck, what was he thinking? Could he even accept such a marriage for Jon? A marriage to a man, who might be quite insane? Letting Rhaegar’s son marry Robert’s? Even if it would strengthen the North greatly, a rich Moat Cailin in Stark hands, a secure southern border…

> _To placate your wife, and you if needed, there might be other things I can offer as well, your second son as Barristan Selmy’s squire or good southern marriages for your other children._
> 
> _Until we may speak from face to face, my best wishes_
> 
> _Your friend Robert_

Yes, until they may speak from face to face. Ned would not decide right now, but think about what the limits of Joffrey’s behaviour would be for him to accept the marriage, and what he could gain for the North and his family. Robb would have to marry someone of the North, the last Starks to marry northern were of his parent’s generation. Sansa and Arya as well, maybe he could use the King’s visit to invite some of his bannermen and broker marriage contracts for those three. Bran as a Kingsguard, just as the kid wanted, and a possible southern marriage for Rickon, hmm, he would have to really think about this.

“My Lord?” His wife looked at Ned with concern. “What message was in the second letter to have shocked you so?”

What could he tell her? “Possible very good news, possible very bad ones. I can’t say more about it until I have spoken to the King in person. But anyway, I will have ravens sent to our most important bannermen. And they shall bring their heirs and daughters with them.”

“Marriage then. Has the King asked for Sansa’s hand for his son?” A light frown marred Cat’s face.

“You are right and wrong, Robert hasn’t asked for Sansa’s hand, but it is time for our older children to be at least betrothed, to Northern Houses.”

“Northern Houses for all three of them, truly? Even for Sansa?”

“Aye, it has been too long since House Stark married into other northern Houses. If I had more sisters who could have wed northern, Sansa could have her southern knight, but the things are like they are.” Ned paused. “I will talk to them today or tomorrow. Shall we go to my solar to write the letter for our bannermen?”

His wife agreed and they began walking towards the main building. After a while she asked him: “Who do you have in mind as our children’s spouses?”

“For Robb an Umber, Karstark or Manderly. What do you think?”

Her response was slow and unhurried. “For the Umbers, only the youngest daughter of Lord Umber is available, and she is six years older than Robb. The age gap is too large for my liking. Alys Karstark and the granddaughters of Lord Manderly are closer to him in age.”

Ned agreed. “Sansa could marry the heir of the Hornwoods, Tallharts or Ryswells, all are close enough to her in age.” Ned didn’t ask Cat’s opinion on this, he knew she would prefer the heir of a Great House or the crown prince for her. “And Arya, well, I thought Jojen Reed might suit her well.”

At that Cat raised an eyebrow. “Only one option for Arya? There are other heirs she could marry, Benfred Tallhart is young enough.”

“The Mormonts and the Reeds are the most Northern houses there are, no man from those houses would bat an eye at the thought of a woman fighting or wearing what the rest of the Seven Kingdoms call men’s clothing. I think she might be happiest there.” And not run away at the first chance she got. “Some are meant for freedom, and if they don’t get it, they will take it or die trying.”

“What are you talking about, my Lord?”

“Lyanna. Sometimes Arya resembles her so much that it scares me. Aye…” Catelyn didn’t know what to say to that, so she kept her silence. “In fact, I think it would be the safest to not betroth Arya at all if Jojen isn’t to her liking and foster her with the Reeds or Mormonts.”

“You understand her better than I do, and if you think that course to be the best one, then I will say nothing against it.”

“Thank you.” Ned was grateful. The rest of the walk they didn’t talk, not until it was time to discuss what to write in the invitations sent to their bannermen bannermen and Ned had burnt the second letter he got today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have no fear, Joffrey isn't actually a sadist (in this story), it will become more clear in chapter 3 or thereabout. I'm nice enough to spare Jon such a spouse.
> 
> My [Tumblr](https://feeverte.tumblr.com/)


	2. The Bride Reaches the North/ The North, 298 AC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The court makes its way North.

Tywin Lannister disliked the journey, and more so the reason he and the Court had to travel North. He was disappointed with his daughter and the heir she gave King Robert. He remembered his observations of the heir when he came to the Red Keep all too well: The look - the smile - on Joffrey’s face as he watched a living being suffer. Furthermore, that Tywin’s daughter didn’t catch how unsuited for the throne her eldest son was, or tried to raise him in a manner which didn’t exacerbate his behaviour. Her only redemption being that Tommen could make a good King, it would be easier to train a too gentle prince to be harsher than hope that a cruel prince might learn mercy. At least his two disappointing sons didn’t come with them on this journey.

As they once again had to wait so that Cersei’s wheelhouse could be repaired, the King came to speak to him. He was sober and clearly bored.

“Well... What did you think of Moat Cailin?”

“Good enough, if it can be repaired.” A very dangerous castle. And they had to allow the North to rebuild it after the Conqueror had forced them to abandon the castle completely. All to convince Eddard Stark that his beloved bastard will brave a marriage to Joffrey. And to put wool over Cersei’s eyes that her son will live in a great keep with all the comforts and not in what she would call a small hovel.

“Ned is my friend, I’m sure the money, legitimization of his bastard and some small favours will be enough to pay for the insult that his family will be used to remove a prince form the royal family.”

“Yes, I am sure too that Lord Stark will accept.” If he was like his father, he wouldn’t care that his son might die or suffer injuries by Joffrey’s hand, not if he got the chance to rebuild and garrison Moat Cailin. If he was more like Jon Arryn, he would accept to help his friend and to keep the Realm save from an unfit King. Either way, he would accept, Tywin was sure of that.

* * *

When they reached Winterfell and the Stark family stood before them, Tywin noticed that the two eldest children had been already paired off. And indeed, Robb Stark was introduced to the king alongside his betrothed Wynafryd Manderly, to be married at the next harvest festival. Meanwhile Sansa Stark was betrothed to Willem Dustin, no marriage date announced yet. If Tywin remembered things correctly, this meant that Robb Stark’s second son might inherit the Manderly Lordship and Sansa Stark would become the next Lady Dustin.

Apparently Stark could move fast, if he wanted to. Tywin was troubled, did this mean Stark was rejecting the offers? If he removed his trueborn children from the marriage market after receiving an offer that the king might help them find good marriages. Or even more troubling, was Stark ensuring that none of his trueborn children would have strong alliances to the South, what with Moat Cailin maybe guarding their southern border once again?

When Tywin was the Hand of the King for Aerys he had learned much, mostly that the Targaryens thought that the North was the most problematic region, not Dorne. Dorne had been bound to the throne again and again by marriages. The North had no such bonds to the rest of the Seven Kingdoms. The offer of a royal princess to Cregan Stark’s son had been reluctantly accepted while he was in King’s Landing until news arrived just days afterwards that his son had found a love match and immediately married.

Every time a new Stark Lord ascended, or a new King was crowned, the smarter people in the South held their breath and wondered if this time the North would become independent again.

And now Tywin was probably fucking over the reign of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren by making northern independence much easier and likelier. And all of that because the current King and Queen couldn’t manage to produce an acceptable heir.

* * *

Later in the evening Baratheon and Tywin managed to speak to Stark in his solar. The three of them were alone, even the Kingsguards had been dismissed. Stark began the conversation.

“Have your plans changed in the weeks since the letter?”

“No.” answered the King. “I still prefer to give my Joffrey away in marriage over any other solution. His mother is supporting him, so I can’t use a Great Council. And I don’t want him at the Wall, he’s not made for that sort of life.”

Tywin used a pause in Baratheon’s speech to start talking. “The letter should already have explained why we think your bastard is the only acceptable option. And as you know the compensation would be great.”

“Aye. Moat Cailin and one million Gold Dragons.” Stark stared at them both while he indirectly told them the price of the marriage. “How great must then the drawbacks be?”

Tywin sat back, willing to let Baratheon explain it to Stark. “For one your son won’t have children.” The King frowned. “And he’d have to marry Joffrey. There’s something wrong with him, he doesn’t react quite right sometimes. I saw a cruel glint in his eyes, and knew if I wanted my dynasty to last longer than only two Kings, Joffrey couldn’t become King.”

Stark’s face was inscrutable. “And who would marry them? I assume that a Septon won’t do it, and a marriage before the Old Gods might not be good enough for your court.”

“I brought a Valyrian priest with me.” Said Baratheon. “The buggers still have a shrine they tend to in King’s Landing. Couldn’t throw them out like the rest. Well, that comes in handy now.”

“Alright. Well, I haven’t told Jon anything yet. If I have your leave, I will do so tomorrow. Does the prince know?”

This time Tywin answered him. “No, not yet. We could tell them the news at the same time. You your bastard, the King and I Joffrey. Mayhap just after breaking the fast?”

“That works for me. I can’t guarantee that Jon will accept, but I hope to have an answer for you tomorrow evening.”

“Good, good. Well then, I will go to bed, Ned could you show me my rooms?” They left after saying goodbye. Tywin stayed a bit, before going to search for a servant who could lead him to his rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Willem Dustin is an OC cousin to the late Willam Dustin. Barbery Dustin chose him as her heir.
> 
> My [Tumblr](https://feeverte.tumblr.com/)


	3. Conversation in the Garden between a Wolf and a Snake/ Winterfell, 298 AC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon and Joffrey finally talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supoosed to be one conversation between Jon and Joffrey, and one between Ned and Joffrey. Then the first part got too long.

Jon was slowly walking atop the curtain walls, the roofs keeping the battlements free from snow and the view distracting him from his thoughts. His last conversation with his father had been, well, strange. He could marry Joffrey Baratheon, if he wanted, because of something the Targaryens did. He, a male bastard, marry a prince.

The marriage would give Jon a castle, riches, and a family. At least sort of, because that way he’d never have legitimate children. A husband would be the only family he would have. A husband Jon didn’t like much, from what he’d seen of him. The prince seemed to be arrogant if at least somewhat charming if Jon could believe what Sansa says about him.

Would the prince ever try to charm Jon? Jon laughed softly, no, probably not. Because while Jon would gain much more than he’d lose, Joffrey would lose the crown and his birth right. Joffrey would lose practically everything. Jon thought the prince might be mostly cold to him, like Lady Stark was.

That thought had him pause, he didn’t want to live with such coldness for the rest of his life. No matter that Jon might become a Lord that others could at least somewhat respect, he couldn’t share his life with someone like Lady Stark.

Not to mention the other thing Jon’s father told him, about Joffrey being – cruel, or mad? – like the last Targaryen king in some way.

His father wanted to have an answer soon, and Jon needed to know the prince a bit better, needed to know if he was cold or not, so he went to find him. Joffrey Baratheon was alone in a remote and secluded courtyard. His shield, Sandor Clegane, was guarding the only entry. As Jon approached him, Clegane stepped aside with a strange almost pityingly expression, without asking Jon why he was here.

The prince was sitting on a bench and staring or glaring at snow covered flowers. The snow and gravel under Jon’s boots crunched and the prince startled. Joffrey looked over his shoulder towards Jon. He stood up and walked to Jon, he didn’t look cold, but angry.

“How long have you known?” The prince spoke clearly and careful. The question surprised Jon.

“Father told me after the morning meal.” Joffrey closed his eyes and exhaled loudly.

“I… I was told I’m to marry you at the same time, I suppose. If you were only informed today as well, does that mean others don’t know yet?”

Jon answered immediately. “No! As far as I know nobody in Winterfell knows about our potential marriage but Father and me. But what are you saying about that you were told you’d marry me; didn’t you get a choice? Father is giving me this day to decide if I want to marry you or not.” Joffrey paled several shades.

“You can reject the marriage offer?” Joffrey paused shortly, then looked at Jon intensely. “Please don’t.” Jon was confused, but Joffrey didn’t speak again. Did Joffrey want to marry Jon?

“Well, Father said that the King has come to the conclusion that you can’t be the heir, and that the reason why is serious.”

That made Joffrey angry again, he stalked over to the bench and sat down, once again staring at the flowers. Jon followed him and sat down next to the prince.

“I’m not what the King says I am. And you don’t have to mince your words, my father thinks I like hurting others. That’s what makes one unfit to be King, apparently.”

“Oh… Father didn’t explain, he only said you resembled Aerys Targaryen in certain ways.” Jon was curious. “How are you not like that? Both the King and Lord Lannister are convinced, that you…”

When Joffrey began to speak, he spoke quickly. “I’m not, I don’t want to burn people alive and then go and rape my sister, I once overheard Uncle Jaime when he was drunk, and that is what the Mad King did. I don’t even like it when I hurt other people in the training yard. And…” Joffrey laughed, but didn’t sound happy. “Did you know that I have a whipping boy.” Jon was confused, what was a whipping boy? “Probably not, it’s apparently not done in the North. Anyway, my whipping boy is some orphan that my Father has whipped bloody whenever I do something he dislikes. And I am the problem because I cut up a dead cat I found? Not that it was of any use, the kittens were already dead... And my mother, she has my illegitimate siblings killed wherever she finds them, and their mothers too if she can. And Grandfather, everybody knew he had Prince Aegon and Princess Rhaenys and Princess Elia killed, and Father smiled at their corpses. He still smiles when he sees their graves.”

Joffrey paused, which gave Jon a bit of time to think about what he’d just heard. That had been- Jon already knew, of course, about the dead prince and princesses, but that the King was smiling when seeing their graves? And Jon could believe the bit about the Queen killing her husband’s bastards, Lady Stark might kill Jon as well if she could. And Tywin Lannister was known for doing many things other might get tried for, but nobody but the King could stand up to him. The King who would hurt a child who had done no wrong instead of punishing his son. Jon was really lucky, that his father cared about him, and was a good man besides. The South and the King and the Lannister sounded all horrible.

Jon looked at Joffrey and was shocked to see him on the verge of crying.

“I’m sorry.” Jon hoped that would comfort Joffrey a bit.

“It’s just… They can hurt so many, but somehow, I’m not fit to be a King, or even a Lord. I have to marry you, or somebody else, like Oberyn Martell or Hoster Tully, or die on the Wall because I’m not good at fighting.”

Jon swallowed; his throat felt dry. Now he knows why Joffrey seemingly wanted to marry Jon. And he came to a decision. The accusation against Joffrey were wrong, and Joffrey wasn’t cold towards him. Or maybe the accusations weren’t all wrong, Jon had noticed that Joffrey didn’t tell him about how the scene the King had observed was a misunderstanding, but really, what could anybody expect when they let people such as the King and Queen be around children. Father always said it’s important to lead an army by example, because people do as you do, not as you tell them to do.

“I’ve decided. I’m going to agree to the marriage.” Jon observed Joffrey keenly as he spoke. The prince turned his head and beamed at Jon.

“I’m so glad.” Well, Jon had been wrong, he thought, Joffrey absolutely would try to charm him.


End file.
